Santa Banta Funny Jokes Page(6)

Fishing License

Banta was carrying a large fish in a bucket of water away from a lake, which was well known for its excellent fishing when a Fishery officer stopped him. The officer says, "Do you have a fishing license?" Banta replies, "Don't need a license, this is my pet fish." "Pet fish?" the officer asked. Banta answers, "Yes, every night I take my fish down to the lake and let him swim around for a while, then I whistle and he jumps up on shore and I put him in his bucket and we go back home." "That's a bunch of baloney, fish can't do that." Banta looks at the officer and says, "You want me to show you?" Very curious now, the officer says, "O.K. I've got to see this" Banta pours the fish into the lake then stands there waiting. After a few minutes, the officer turns to Banta and says, "Well?" "Well, What?" Banta says. The Officer asks, "Are you going to call your fish back?" "Fish! What fish?" Banta responds.

Deep Mines

Santa and Banta decide to apply for jobs at a mine that had opened nearby. After sitting in the waiting room for a while, Banta gets called in for his interview. The boss asks Banta if he had worked underground mines before? Banta says that he had. The boss asks him how deep under ground he worked? Banta says, "Oh, about 8 to 10 feet." The boss says, "Mines are a lot deeper than that, get out of here - you're no miner!" On his way out, Banta tells Santa to tell the boss that he worked real deep underground so he could get the job. Santa gets called in. The boss asks Santa if he had worked underground mines before? Santa says, "Oh sure." The boss asks how deep underground he worked. Santa says, "I used to work in a mine 20,000 feet underground." The boss says, "20,000 feet, Wow! That is incredible!, "What kind of lights did you use in a mine so deep underground?" Santa says, "Oh, I didn't need a light, I worked on the day shift!"

Banta's Date

A cop stops his patrol car when he sees Banta and his girlfriend sitting on the curb. Banta is laying on his side with his pants pulled down, the girl has her finger in his butt, and she's reaming away with a vengeance. The cop says, "What the hell is going on?" The girl says, "This is my date. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night with him, he started pounding down the booze. Now, he's too drunk to drive me home, so I'm trying to sober him up by making him puke." The cop says, "That's not going to make him puke." She says, "Yeah? Wait till I switch this finger to his mouth."

Santa's Curtains

Santa enters a store that sell curtains. He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains." The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing. Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman asked what size curtains he needed. Santa replies, "Fifteen inches." "Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?" Santa tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his computer monitor. The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!" Santa says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"

Umbalo-Gong

Santa and Banta fly to the south sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later Santa takes a boat over to the other island to see how Banta is doing. When he gets there, he finds Banta standing among a group of natives. "Greetings! How is it going?" says Santa. "Wonderful!" says Banta, "I have discovered an important fact about the local language! Watch!" He points at a palm tree and says, "What is that?" The natives, in unison, say, "Umbalo-gong!" He then points at a rock and says, "And that?" The natives again intone, "Umbalo-gong!" "You see!", says the beaming Banta, "They use the SAME word for 'rock' and for 'palm tree'!" "That is truly amazing!" says the astonished Santa, "On the other island, the same word means 'index finger'!"

Santa in ICU

A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed, tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition. Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc. a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Bengali." The other patient signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Punjabi." This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, "Calcutta." Other replied in a weedy frail voice, "Ludhiana." Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Asit." Replied the other, "Santa." A few hours later, Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer." Santa responded, "Sagittarius."

A round of drinks

Banta was not home at his usual hour, and his wife, Preeto, was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later. Finally, about 3:00 AM she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was Banta, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs. "Do you realize what time it is?" she asked. He answered, "Don't get excited. I'm late because I bought something for the house." Immediately her attitude changed, and as she ran down the stairs to meet him halfway, she asked, "What did you buy for the house, dear?" Banta's answer was, "A round of drinks!"

My Friend Circle

Santa came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife, Jeeto, with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge. "Was it my friend Banta", he demanded. "No !" his weeping wife replied. "Was it my friend Ramta then?" he asked. "No !!!" she said even more upset. "Well which one of my no good friends did this then?" he asked. "Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" Jeeto snapped.

Crazy Wisdom

Santa is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Santa is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Santa was keeping the lug nuts. The nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain. Santa is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one of the inmates has been watching the whole thing. "Hey! Why don't you just take one lug nut off each of the other three wheels? That'll hold your tires on until you can get to a garage or something." Santa is startled by the patient's seeming rationality, but realizes the plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident. Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. "You know, that was pretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?" The patient smiles and says, "I'm in here because I'm crazy, not because I'm stupid."

Anniversary Gift

Banta wanted to get his beautiful wife, Preeto, something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features. Preeto was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone. The next day Preeto went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was Banta on the other end. "Hi Preeto," he said, "how do you like your new phone?" Preeto replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."! "What's that, sweetie?" asked Banta. "How did you know I was at Sukhna Lake?"

Page: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)