Medical Students | |
| Two young medical students were standing on a street corner observing people as they passed and discussing any abnormalities with each other that they may have seen in passers-by. They would then attempt to make the correct diagnosis. They spotted our Santa leaving a bar sort of "duck waddling" down the street at a slow pace. The two students introduced themselves to Santa and told him that they didn't agree with each others diagnosis of the his problem. One says, "My friend thinks you have a bad case of hemorrhoids, and I think you have a hernia. Which of us is correct?" Santa replies, "Well boys, I thought it was a fart, but it looks like we were all wrong!" |
Smartest Salesman | |
| Three salesmen were bragging who is the best. The first said, that he is so good he sold a color television to a blind man. The second bragged he sold a HI-FI stereo system to a deaf man. The third said he sold a Cuckoo clock to Banta. The other two said, so what? The third salesman added, "Along with the Cuckoo clock, I also sold him fifty kgs of bird seeds!!!!!" |
Overturned wagon | |
 Pappu, Santa's son, accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise."Hey Pappu!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up." "That's mighty nice of you," Pappu answered, "but I don't think my father would like me to." "Aw, come on," the farmer insisted. "Well okay," he finally agreed, and added, "But my father won't like it." After a hearty lunch, Pappu thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know dad is going to be real upset." "Don't be foolish !" the farmer said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?" "Under the wagon." |
Census Taker | |
| Santa was sitting on his porch, when a man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand. "What can I do for you?" Santa politely asked. "You selling something?" "No, sir, I'm not. I'm a Census Taker," the man replied. "A what?" Santa asked, more confused than ever. "A Census Taker," he explained. "We're trying to find out how many people are in the India." "Well, you're wasting your time here," Santa answered finally. "I have no idea." |
Explanation! | |
| Santa wired home that he had been able to wind up his business trip a day early and would be home on Wednesday. When he walked into his apartment, however, he found his wife, Jeeto, in bed with another man. Furious, he picked up his bag and stormed out; he met his mother-in-law on the street, told her what had happened and announced that he was filing a suit for divorce in the morning. "Give my daughter a chance to explain before you do any thing." the older women pleaded. Reluctantly, he agreed. An hour later, his mother-in-law phoned Santa at his office. "I knew my daughter would have an explanation," a note of truimph in her voice. "She didn't receive your telegram!" |
Last Night | |
| One day, Santa walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried. "What's the matter?" the bartender asks. "That woman I call my wife and I got into a fight," explained Santa, "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days." The bartender thought about this for a while. "But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?" asked the bartender. "Yeah, except today is the last night." |
Black Coffee | |
| Santa and Banta went into a diner that looked as though it had seen better days. As they slid in to a booth, Banta wiped some crumbs from the seat. Then he took a napkin and wiped some moisture from the table. The waitress came over and asked if they wanted some menus. "No thanks," said Santa. "I'll just have a cup of black coffee." "I'll have black coffee too," Banta said. "And please make sure the cup is clean." The waitress shot him a nasty look. She turned and marched off in to the kitchen. Two minutes later, she was back. "Two cups of black coffee," she announced. "Which one of you wanted the clean cup?" |
Fastest Worker | |
| Santa got a part time job at the Chandigarh Post Office. The first assignment his supervisor gave him was the job of sorting the mail. Santa separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur. Extremely pleased by this, the supervisor approached Santa at the end of his first day. "I just want you to know," the supervisor said, "that I'm very pleased with the job you did today. You're one of the fastest workers we've ever had." "Thank you, Sir" said Santa, beaming, "and tomorrow I'll try to do even better." "Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. "How can you possibly do any better than you did today?" Santa replied, "Tomorrow I'm going to read the addresses." |
Santa in Chandigarh | |
| Santa was visiting Chandigarh for the first time. He wanted to see the Rock Garden. Unfortunately, he couldn't find it, so he asked a police officer for directions, "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Rock Garden?" The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 46 bus. It'll take you right there." He thanked the officer and the officer drove off. Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, Santa is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Rock Garden, I said to wait here for the number 46 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?" Santa replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 43rd bus just went by!" |
Body odor | |
| It was a really hot day at the office. There were about twenty people in close quarters and everyone was sweating, even with a fan on. All of a sudden, people started to wrinkle their noses at an odor passing through the air. It was the most hideous smell anyone had ever smelt. One man said, "Uh oh, someone's deodorant isn't working." Santa from the distant corner replied, "It can't be me. I'm not wearing any." |
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